brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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