She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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