Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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