I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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