my vag is so smooth its legendary
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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