How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
