Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
