They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
