dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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