She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
