How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
