He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
