I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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