glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
