She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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