god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we have officially lost it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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