It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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