so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
