so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
