then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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