Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
