That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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