I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
