i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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