you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My vagina is officially offended.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
