OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He did a backflip because drugs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
