If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
