he wants to bone in the snuggie
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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