my phone needs a breathalizer
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
