and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am one with the molecules
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