Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
