is your mom at the bar?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
