'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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