Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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