All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
