This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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