Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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