Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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