I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
