he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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