I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You ruined the universe
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
