Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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