At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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