I got chris browned last night
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
