DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
