I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
