With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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