Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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