Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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