Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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