Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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