She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
