Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
