insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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