You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
