So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
