Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Houston, we have a squirter
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
