I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
