We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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