he puts the penis in happiness.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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