Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
