You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
