what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
