just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
