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you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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