I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.