Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
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I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!