This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
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I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
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now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.