My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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