Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
