bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
