I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
