'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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