you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
