I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
