Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
