maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
