They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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