I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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