I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
