What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
no, he came in my armpit
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
