you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
